April 2005
13 posts
snakes at a convenient store
B.P Gonzizzle and I stopped at the Mac Mart down the street from my house last night. I live in the suburbaghetto so there are always gangs of 13 year old street toughs hanging outside the Mac Mart drinking Slurpies and flirting with training-hoes. Last night, though, there was a big group of lil’ gangstas in the parking lot - and two of them had snakes around their necks. Little pythons or...
goodbye ol' girl
As of about 45 minutes ago, I no longer own the Explorer. I sold it to some guy that works for my dad at the quicklube, though, so I still have visitation rights if I want to.
I owned that car in some form or another for more than a decade.
Tonight I’m going out with my friend Erin to celebrate her birthday. I will have a beer in honor of the Explorer.
If you have any fond memories of...
new pope
So, apparently, all new popes get to choose their papal name. The new pope, or Ratzi as I used to call him in our frat days, chose Pope Benedict, I believe. This is in spite of several suggestions I made:
-Pope Boba Fett
-Pope Alufagus
-Pope Onarope
-Pope Awsome
-Tu Pope Shakur
Just wait’ll it’s my turn. I’ll be the coolest Pope ever. It’ll be like that movie where...
mock me
I’m full of joy and goodwill towards the entire world today. It’s sunny outside and the work week is almost over. In tribute, here’s a list of things I love. Feel free to make fun of my gayness. I’m in too good of a mood to care:
My nephews, the smell of a comic book store (news print and ink, not fat nerds), walking to Kitty O’Shea’s from B.P.’s house,...
1 tag
Break In
My ex-wife used to do this thing. Every night as we were laying down to bed, she would ask me if I locked the door. Locking the door was my responsibility. Our relationship was pretty egalitarian. We didn’t really have specific jobs. If the dishes needed washing — one of us would wash them. If the garbage needed taking out, one of us would take it out. There were a couple of exceptions...
project: pp
Wednesday night, April 7th: Pochatrain Trail (Patch: Tree, P.Dirty: Side of the house) Friday night, April 9th: Emmett Creek (Patch: mailbox, P.Dirty: Side of the house)
I’m not posting full addresses at the request of some of our more squeamish victims. But I am posting what targets P.Dirty and I chose. Unless I want you to always wonder.
project: pp
You poor bastards.
P.Dirty and I hatched a plan last night. Hatched it like an egg. We’re starting a project. A SUMMER project. Except we started it last night and it’s not really summer yet, but that’s okay. It’ll take a while to get it done, so we can use the extra nights.
All this summer P.Dirty and I will be ending our nights out by peeing in people’s yards....
spring!
I can’t believe how great the weather is today. It’s so great, I want to make love to it. And not that clumsy, over-in-ten-seconds, fumbling kind of love that you do in the broom closet of the local funeral home at your great aunt’s visitation. I’m talking about slow, candle-lit, take-your-time-and-do-it-right love that you do in the broom closet of the local funeral home...
nemesis
I’ve figured out what’s wrong with my life.
I don’t have an enemy.
Every good hero in literature, comics, movies, whatever is defined by his enemies. Sherlock Holmes had Moriarty. Batman had the Joker. Sigourney Weaver had the Aliens. P.Dirty has sobriety. The list goes on.
I don’t think I’ll truly ever amount to anything until I’ve found my opposite...
summer's comin'
This weather is killing me. I love Spring. And thank God for daylight savings time. It was sunny all day yesterday. P.Dirty and I went to Shamrock’s last night to watch North Carolina and Illinoise play. We discussed the impending summer. I think it’s going to be an important one. We have to make the most of this one because it’ll be our last one with B.P. and Double S. We...
victory!
It should be pointed out that B.P. Gonzizzle and I lead our dodge ball team to victory on Friday night. And by “lead” I mean “followed.” We were joined by our friend Clark, two highschool kids, and a ten year old boy. If ever there were a team that the label “misfits” applied to, it was us. There were two tournaments. We lost the first one badly, but walked away...
idea
It’s really cold outside today. And rainy. Let’s stay inside and work with our shirts off.